An important part of a child’s life is being able to make friends. Friendships help a child’s self image, ability to deal with aspects of his life and fill emotional needs. As a child grows, enters school and leaves the safety of the family, friends take on more importance. Children who have difficulty making friends often have problems with relationships throughout their lives.
Some children find making friends very easy while others have a difficult time establishing interpersonal relationships. Fortunately, with some help, these skills can be learned, and parents are the best teachers for these.
Some children are obviously lonely and may relate problems with children. Others either do not realize their lack of friends or want to conceal it. They may be tearful, complain of vague symptoms like bellyaches, or try to stay home from school. The school bus, cafeteria, and playground are settings that are especially problems for children who are lonely. Asking them specific questions about their interactions with other children in these settings may be helpful.
Once you recognize that there is a problem, try to be understanding and supportive at home. Give your child gentle suggestions when you see your child making social errors. Use your child’s interests to get her into social situations with other children.
Coach your child how to act in specific situations. Help him plan how to handle the interactions and role play it with him.
Ask your child to imagine how the situation will work out before trying his plan. It may give him some insight into where problems might arise.
Review the plan and have your child think of other ways she might handle it. Then you can help her chose the best approach to the upcoming interaction.
Have your child monitor how things go during her interactions. Have her think about what to do if things go wrong.
After the interactions, talk over how things went. If things went well, figure out how to use it in other settings. If things went poorly, help her figure out how to make things work better the next time.
Help your child experiment with his newly acquired skills by setting up some situations to practice them. These should be brief and simple. Invite another child over to play. The activities should be low keyed, brief, and geared for success. Have some activities to fall back on if playing together does not work out. Individual activities that can be done side by side are good alternatives.
You should keep an eye on things, but not be too controlling. If difficulties arise, intervene early. The session should not go on too long and make sure it ends on time. It is better to have the children leave wanting to get together again. Early "successes" will go a long way to build your child’s self confidence.
Let your child know you love him as he is and that framework, helping him improve specific social skills will enrich his life, and, ultimately, yours.
